My name is Jack. I try to act like Russell Brand but usually end up coming off as Mr. Bean. Welcome.

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

(Source: whattt-fucking-ever, via cannibalistic-queen)

Notes
1001439
Posted
2 hours ago

piranhabat:

jakemalik:

*drops food on floor*

germs: go get it! quick!

king germ: no.. we must wait 5 seconds.. it is the rule

my favorite thing about this post is that germs have apparently gained enough sentience to develop a form of monarchy

(via cannibalistic-queen)

Notes
409732
Posted
4 hours ago

Kurt Vonnegut 

(Source: feellng)

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
Notes
2204
Posted
9 hours ago

Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle

(Source: mynameiscollins)

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are ‘It might have been.’
Notes
6297
Posted
9 hours ago
funthot:

okay scary story time my sister hid this pic of Michael Jackson behind my pillow and when I lifted my pillow I saw this and I screamed so loud I can’t even handle looking at the pic omfg

funthot:

okay scary story time my sister hid this pic of Michael Jackson behind my pillow and when I lifted my pillow I saw this and I screamed so loud I can’t even handle looking at the pic omfg

(via chocolatesmarties)

Notes
64683
Posted
9 hours ago

buzzfeed:

SHE’S SO SAD WHY IS SHE SO SAD SOMEONE HELP

Notes
1801
Posted
9 hours ago
humansofnewyork:

"Do you remember the proudest you’ve ever felt of your daughter?""At church one Sunday, the preacher was giving a sermon about nonviolence. Afterwards we were walking home, and she saw another child getting hit by her mother. She tugged on my sleeve, and said: ‘Mom, the preacher said not to do that.’"(Kampala, Uganda)

humansofnewyork:

"Do you remember the proudest you’ve ever felt of your daughter?"
"At church one Sunday, the preacher was giving a sermon about nonviolence. Afterwards we were walking home, and she saw another child getting hit by her mother. She tugged on my sleeve, and said: ‘Mom, the preacher said not to do that.’"

(Kampala, Uganda)

Notes
2486
Posted
9 hours ago
daedalus:icarus, whatever you do, dont fly too close to the sun
icarus:
icarus:im gonna fuck the sun
Notes
20188
Posted
9 hours ago
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